“Dude, I Don’t Have a Car” How to Get Life’s Essentials Without Leaving the Dorm
To my one college buddy with a car,
We need to talk…
I know that you’ve always been there for me; like the time that I went into Wal-Mart for shampoo and came out with an air-conditioner, or the time that the train was delayed and the plastic grocery bags were cutting into my palms. But, and this is hard to say…
…I don’t need you any more.
I’ve got Amazon Prime now and, let’s face it, it’s easier for me to shop online and have everything delivered right to my door. I don’t have to worry about business hours or delivery because I can shop 24 hours a day and get free two-day shipping.
I know that you want me to be happy and Amazon makes me happy. I can buy anything, literally anything; from glass eyes to laundry detergent and it will come to me. I don’t have to sweat about bus-routes or carrying big things onto crammed rush-hour trains, if you’re busy. I can just click, pay and do me, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted.
I know that I ripped your interior when I tried to shove that cute, industrial-style storage crate into your back seat and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for a lot of things. Hey, remember how we used to argue about where to park at the mall? I’ll miss that.
Listen, I don’t want you to do me favours for gas-money anymore. I don’t want to give you directions on speakerphone while I’ve got my hands full. I won’t do it because I’ve found something better and I want us to be better too. I hope that we can still be friends, just, you know, outside of your Civic.
I hope that you’ll think of me whenever you pass a Costco because I know I’ll be thinking of you. Take care, pal, we had a good ride.