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Toronto, Canada

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Toronto, Ontario - M5V 1R2
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What Type of Post-Secondary Student Are You?

Written by Jeremy Flores

You’ll meet a variety of students at college or university. Some of them will become a beloved part of your social circle. Others will make you want to stab your face with a corkscrew after spending two minutes with them.

Whatever the case, here’s a compendium of the ten types of students you’re bound to meet at post-secondary school. Maybe you can see yourself in some of them.

1. The Eater


Sure, everybody snacks during class. Who hasn’t nibbled on Cheetos or downed coffee during a lecture? Well, believe me: The Eater changes things. The Eater takes eating in class to a whole new level. He’ll think nothing of showing up with an entire pizza, munching directly from a box of lo mein (chopsticks included), or working his way through the entire left side of the Taco Bell menu in one lecture. The constant sound of chewing gets annoying, but there’s a bright side: if you look in his general direction long enough, he might throw you a chalupa or two.

2. The Fashion Model


This student is almost always a freshman. It doesn’t matter if she has an 8 a.m. class. She will show up with full makeup and flawless hair. Not only is her face put together, but all her outfits are perfectly coordinated and paired with gorgeous—yet completely impractical—heeled shoes. However, the Fashion Model invariably evolves into the Snugee (see #10) after a semester or two.

3. The Legacy


The Legacy’s grandfather might not really have his name on the school gym, but the Legacy sure as shit acts like it is. Legacies tend to travel in groups and are colossal jerks to nearly everybody they encounter. When challenged, they rely on one another for support, or they evoke the name of their closest legally-inclined relative. Legacies possess only one superpower: the ability to hypnotize school administration and campus police with smarmy charm. And somehow, this gets them out of trouble. Every. Single. Time.

4. The Social Justice Superhero


The Social Justice Superhero can be an amazing person to know. Unfortunately, they can also be terrible people to know. This depends on their method of spreading the good word and whether or not they actually know what they’re talking about. This student can be found posting flyers on bulletin boards, sending emails to unethical corporations, and modifying their lifestyle according to their latest cause. All snark aside, this student is often highly socially-aware, informative, and articulate—not to mention up for some great debates.

5. College Swag Guy/Girl


You know how most college students have a jersey or sporty sweatshirt that they dig out of their closets for game day? College Swag Guy/Girl has the opposite problem. They have an entire closet full of sports swag. And maybe a single outfit at the back of their closets for interviews and funerals. You’d think this student would be unbearably annoying, but their typical enthusiasm and loyalty are oddly infectious.

6. The Professional Student


You won’t recognize this student until you have a conversation with them. First, you’ll learn that they started off majoring in art because it really was their passion in high school. But that didn’t work because the professors just didn’t encourage enough self-expression. Then they decided to “do computers”, but “doing computers” didn’t let them show off their creative side. When they just couldn’t do anymore computers, they switched to journalism, but that’s what got them into their current linguistics major. Once you’re done listening to the various majors and life goal changes this student has gone through, something shocking will become apparent to you: they’re 28.

7. The Guru


The Guru isn’t a nerd. In fact, the Guru is almost always late to class (if they even show up). But the Guru aces every assignment, group project, and exam. In fact, the guru is the one who always helps with writing essays and other paper-like stuff. It’s always hard to tell if the guru is lucky or if they have all the right connections. Just know that if you befriend a guru, you, too, will become one of the connected.

8. Last-Minute Question Girl/Boy


It’s 20 minutes before class ends and the professor has ended his PowerPoint presentation early. Mentally, you’re already in your car, cranking up your jams, and going on an old-fashioned Tims run before your next class. You’re already halfway out of your seat when you hear the sickening, drony voice of a student in the front. “Could you please go over that last slide one more time?” Defeated, you drop back into your seat until class officially ends. There are no tunes. There is no Tim Hortons. It’s just you and your shitty fate.

9. The Arguer


If the Arguer actually knew what they were talking about, they would be a fascinating person. Sadly, they don’t. And they’re not. The Arguer always insists on arguing with the instructor, and the fact that he thinks his University of Google degree can go against a PhD is completely lost on him. When things get really painful, you may be tempted to rescue the arguer by telling him to shut up. My advice? Don’t. Let natural selection take its course.

10. The Snugee


Eventually, the Fashion Model has an epiphany.

She’s sitting in her bathroom. It’s still dark outside. She’s sharpening her lip liner. Then she hears a voice inside her head. “Who are you trying to impress?” it asks her. Truthfully, she doesn’t know. So upon hearing these words, she tosses her makeup bag on the floor, puts her hair into a messy bun, and throws on a pair of sweats and t-shirt. The evolution is complete. She has become the mighty Snugee, impervious to fashion consciousness (but always very, very comfortable).

Did we miss any staple “species” of post-secondary student? What are they? Do you identify as any of these student types? Tell us in the comments below.

*Opinions expressed are those of the author, and not necessarily those of Student Life Network or their partners.